the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize