I want to make a zoo with you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
4 words: hood of his car
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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