we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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