She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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