I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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