I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
