hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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