you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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