well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
