what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
