i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
