He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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