My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize