I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
