I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
