I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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