Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
