Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
