things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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