woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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