there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
