I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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