I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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