I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
