A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
