This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
