I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
