I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
