Plan B is the new Plan A
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The struggles of a small town man whore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
