i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
