Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
