found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
