well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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