I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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