Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
