The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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