he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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