I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
