My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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