I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm really busy with my period
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