My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
