Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
