I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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