So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
