High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
