So drunk its hurt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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