i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize