I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize