WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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