not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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