I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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