i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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