she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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