I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
