Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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