your parents love me but you hate me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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