He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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