i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
