Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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