Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
