I'm lost and stupid without you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
