Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
