Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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