; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
