He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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