Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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