I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
