Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
