Don't you send me to vm
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
