I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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