your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
