Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
