How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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