Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
