you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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