As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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