Soap is not a condiment
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They have beer where we have blood.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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