he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
