please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
